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[13 Jan 2005|10:29pm] |
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so i havent updated in a while? wuts the diff? no one fuckin reads this shit anymore. i might retire this shit all together. who gives a fuck. maybe i wont. i will think about it. until then, ill jus complain about my simple life. school sucks, havent been there for the last 2 and a half days. oh well. i dont give a shit. im already accepted into college right? we have off monday, thats exciting. i have seemed to have gotten everyone sick. i almost feel bad. phils mom will kill me if i got him sick though. DAMN talking about me and phil, we have been really good lately. thanks for asking. u know wut i just noticed? no one really ever asks how me and phil are doing. not like anyone cares either. anyway... ive been pissy lately. dont know why either. eh enough of my bullshit. goodnight.
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| winter break has come to an end |
[03 Jan 2005|12:27am] |
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yes. it is true. the sex, drugs, and alcohol have come to an end...at least till next weekend lol school fucking sucks, i feel like it should be over with already. im done trying. jus a few more months until we are finished class of 2005...cant believe it. the year that we graduate is here...already. i remember when we first got our class of 2005 t-shirts in kindergarden and it seemed like an eternity. its here. that scares me. break was great. partied a lot, went to shampoo, got drunk a lot, smoked...lol, made some close calls, hung out with mah phil-up, n slept a lot. laurens party was cool...i met aj. new years was fun. overall, a good but too short break. this tuesday will be two years that rita has been gone. i talked about it with jackie for a little today. i dont think it will be a fun day. at all. im not going to make a big deal out of it, but i know i am going to wake up thinking about that day, the fucking most horrible day of my life. MY NECK HURTS BITCHES! mother fucker. time for bed eh?
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| bored |
[26 Dec 2004|12:27am] |
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stealing this from krista who stole it from a bunch of other people. 100 THINGS 1. i love my eyelashes 2. i hate the rest of my body 3. i had my license for a total of 4 days before i got in an accident 4. im competitive 5. mostly with sports and grades 6. i hate my father 7. i wish rita was still here 8. i want to lose 15 lbs 9. maybe i should stop eating taco bell and genos 10. i love the city 11. one of my life goals is to live in an appt. with a view of rittenhouse sq. 12. i want to become a successful nurse and help people get better 13. i like to get good grades 14. my mom is adorable 15. i think about who would show up at my funeral all the time 16. i need pyschological help 17. i cry when im alone 18. i like to fight with people to get my point across 19. i love soccer 20. maybe i should quit smoking? 21. i like to make people laugh 22. i want SOMEONE to find the cure of cancer 23. i dont think i will live long 24. i think my dad is going to die before i get married 25. i know wut song i want my bridesmaids to walk down the isle to...cannon in d 26. i get upset when i see mentally challenged people 27. i dont like to cry in front of people 28. i wish i could quit work and not have to worry about money 29. i wouldnt be alive if it wasnt for meliss n jess 30. im addicted to starbucks 31. i like to consume a large amount of alcohol 32. im materialistic 33. but i dont want to change anyone else who isnt 34. i have given up on trying to change phil and the way he looks 35. i love him with all my heart 36. im scared for college 37. i dont want to leave my mom 38. i feel bad every time i leave my mom alone at home 39. i sucked my thumb and sniffed a blanket until third grade 40. im spoiled 41. i, along with jackie, milaur, and jessie are the best choral officers in the world 42. im depressed 43. i dont show anyone what i am really feeling inside 44. i want a dog 45. my fav song is fly me to the moon 46. i hate my car cuz it fucks up all the time 47. i broke jess' bed 48. i want bigger boobs 49. im happy for meliss and chris 50. i wish i had a big family 51. i wish i had ANY kind of family 52. i like jackie's jewish friends 53. me and milaur share a lot of the same traits 54. i curse a lot 55. im excited to graduate 56. i know im going to cry 57. i remember when me meliss n jess graduated middle school together 58. i couldnt imagine my life without both of my sisters 59. im in love with phil 60. it doesnt bother me that phil and my friends dont share the same interests 61. i think phil looks sexy when he performs with his band 62. one of my fondest soccer memories was when the guys painted themselves for me 63. i couldnt of asked for a better soccer team this year 64. im not satisfied with myself 65. i love to party 66. i like attention 67. i CAN have sober fun 68. i just chose not to sometimes 69. i like sex 70. i love my friends 71. me and amanda can relate to just about everything 72. im an aggresive driver 73. i like going to the city with the girls 74. the past summer was the best in my life 75. i miss the crew 76. i will never forget all the memories at echo 77. i hate a lot of people 78. i want to get in a fight once in my life 79. im in love with frank sinatra 80. i love jess' n meliss' family's 81. i like not being too smart so i dont have to have intellectual convos with my friends 82. im impatient 83. i have watched someone die before 84. im scared of death 85. i dont know if there is a heaven 86. i hope there is 87. thats the year i was born 88. im a closet my spacer 89. i want to make the best of this winter break 90. i hate being told that im exactly like my father 91. i like to speak my mind 92. im a bitch 93. i give myself too much credit 94. i love it down the shore 95. i feel better when im tan 96. all i want to do is sleep 97. im afraid of losing my best friends because of college 98. i want to be happy 99. meliss bought me the ultra 3000 for christmas and i will thank her for all of my orgasms 100. im fucking tired. goodnight.
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[26 Dec 2004|12:12am] |
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well merry fucking christmas everyone...even if it is 12:12 on the 26th i made out really good this xmas. phils gifts were amazing and i really love his he got me. even his mom n frank and judy got me something really good. for my parents...they went crazy on me. they bought me a ton of clothes and stuff. not only that, but they bought me this really cool digg camera and lap top. the lap top is amazing, i love it. not used to the keys yet though so bear with me. i had no idea it was coming, not a clue. they bought lisa one too which is kewl. lisa bought me so many nice things, including a coach purse, a ton of clothes, and a really cute necklace. christmas isnt the same though, without rita. ill just say that. i woke up for the 2nd year in a row, by myself, opening up gifts. my mom set out my gifts last night even before i even got in the door last night. overall a nice christmas. i hope to go to shampoo tomorrow night with the girls. it should be interesting.
merry christmas to all. and to all a GOOD NIGHT. assholes.
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| i feel like a pile of shit. |
[21 Dec 2004|10:17pm] |
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i couldnt sleep last night. i was constantly waking up with cold sweats and i couldnt breathe through my nose. it was horrible. i ended up not going to school and IT WAS SUCH A SHAME THAT I MISSED THE CONCERT! milaur n jackie still left school early and i convinced my dad to let me out of the house for an hour. we went to applebee's for lunch and exchanged presents. jackie got me a beer hat and a giftcard to express(just what i need huh?)and milaur got me really kewl lotion n body wash from bath n both works. holla. i still feel like shit. i dont know if im gunna go to school tomorrow or not. phil came over to see me, which was the 2nd good part of my day today. i really do love that kid. like seriously...i am so happy right now. and everyone can say "all u guys do is have sex" which is funny actually. for ONCE IN MY LIFE i dont care what anyone says about him or the way he looks. im done with trying sculpt him to be someone that i want him to be. i have finally accepted his ways. we get along so much better now. its like...as corny as it sounds...that we finally clicked. i mean like, before when we first went out...things were good too, but not like this. i know its only been a couple of months or whatever, but i usually would get sick of him by now (knock on wood)im jus really happy with him and where we r at. i couldnt ask for anything more. you motha fuckaz need jesus.
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[16 Dec 2004|08:42pm] |
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ah...spiced up the journal thanx to carrie! now maybe i can have some motivation to start updating more. everything is just blah lately. no sleep really. cant stop coughing, i might need a chest xray...yes. go ahead. please all say at once "then why dont u stop smoking" good question. next ask "why does a bear shit in the woods?" assholes. today during work it was sad. i heard these 2 ladies talking about a friend of theirs who had cancer of the liver, lung, and colon. she said the person was already at stage four and they didnt have any hope. it was depressing. only made me think about everything more. did i mention i hate my house at christmas? i called my house today to ask my mom a question and my dad picked up and i think he was crying. hm. i wonder what about. assholes. i cant wait to give everyone their gifts. im excited. i should be studying right now. but i say FUCK THAT. i have to read fucking grendel this whole week. shoot me now. please. i did my self analysis. wasnt happy with it though. i couldnt mention all the things i wanted to in there. mother fuckers. goodnight assholes.
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[02 Dec 2004|10:16pm] |
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im generally in a bad mood right now. dont ask me why...cause i dont know my reasoning. im so excited for tomorrow night its ridiculous. cant wait to start my self analysis...that should be fun. i tried starting it the other night and i deleted it after writing about 3 pages because i didnt like the son of a bitch. oh well. ill get it done. mother fuckers.
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[29 Nov 2004|10:51pm] |
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i've come to the conclusion that i hate my car. i wish it blew up. now...just becuz i said that...it will. big picture is on wed...i wish that everyone would cordinate...but it wont happen. i really cant wait to start my self analysis paper...im seriously excited to do it. i just hope ill be satisfied with it. ICE SKATING ANYONE?! LIGHT SHOW!? soooooooo excited. brings back OLD memories. me and rita used to go see the light show together when i was little. we were also accopanied by my mom and my asshole aunt chris who i absolutely dispise and hopefully she will die a slow, painful death one day. sounds harsh? dont get me started.
time for bed. im bitchy.
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[27 Nov 2004|12:02pm] |
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long time no update. sorry guys...i'll try harder. i need to redo this whole journal thing, the scenery is getting a little old. dont you agree? well...a lot of new stuff going on. i got into neumann...or as meme calls it "the dumb dumb school" but oh well. im going there...im going to play soccer for them (hopefully, but almost positive)im excited. i know im making the right decision for myself, even if i am "selling my self short" ill be happy there...even though it is a CATHOLIC college. moving on... me and phil are together. well...not offically, but whatever. we rnt gunna go through the whole "will you be my girlfriend" thing on the fuckin crazy mouse again. im really happy. not becuz i have a boyfriend, but becuz what we have is great. and i KNOW everyone will say "u were so miserable with him, you always fought, he pisses you off, he's broke...BLAH BLAH BLAH" maybe some of its true...it DOES suck that he's not friends with half of my close friends, oh well. im happy, and i know college is right around the corner...but we will deal with that when it comes. i might be setting myself up for another heartbreak, but...ill get through it...hopefully this time i wont be in denial. thanksgiving break has been great. christmas season is always a drag. i dont really tell anyone about it, nor do i let anyone see me upset, but once i hear christmas music...my mind is not thinking about how jingle bells rock. my mind is in a total opposite place...thinking about my sister. i memorized every song from that cd that she played from 2 weeks before thanksgiving till the day she died..24/7...nonstop. every time i hear it on the radio...i get into tears. its just...everything is so different without her. there's no excitement for santa to come, i dont even WANT to see santa on the fire truck this year...its just so depressing. i dont tell anyone when im upset about it...its like my time is over with. its almost been 2 years, but i can remember it like yesterday. it just sucks. everything jus sucks without her. last year christmas sucked. i got up early...COULDNT OPEN MY PRESENTS till like 1, when lisa got here. i was all dressed and ready by the time i opened my gifts. IT SUCKED. the year before that...me and lisa put our presents under the tree ourselves because my mom was sleeping next to rita on the hospital bed. merry fucking christmas. almost time for work mother fuckers.
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[08 Nov 2004|11:16pm] |
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havent updated in a long time. dont know where i shall begin, so i probably wont. florida=beautiful. i sat in english today, thinking of who i wanted to thank for our warm-up. the thought that immediately came to mind was jess' family. not only for taking me on vaca...but for making me a part of the family. along with meme's family...i feel right at home with those assholes. her grandparents are basically like my own, now since i dont have any. its just so kewl to have families that i can chill with and feel like im right at home. im lucky. college shit=dont care. neumann is looking good. so is ur mom. phil...not looking good, but me and him are doing quite well. lol im joking. he's OK looking. ha. JOKE ASSHOLE. i miss krista. i miss philly. my mother=psycho bitch. U'LL NEVER GUESS WUT YAZ HAS!! that makes me happy ^ i cant wait for fucking powderpuff. IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. do i curse a lot? im sorry. no im not asshole. this entry is random. im sorry. no mas metalfan469 :( goodnight. fairwell. ciao.
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[24 Oct 2004|05:03pm] |
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[Unknown LJ tag] 
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[16 Oct 2004|12:18am] |
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life flashes right before your eyes. one day ur holdin up a kids poster in class. another day his car is wrapped around a pole. its terrible. i feel horrible. it just shows everyone not to take life for granted. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST ASSHOLES...u never know wuts gunna happen.
tonight was a bad night. besides seeing shark tale. and chillen w/ the girls.
im tired.
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| look into my eyes...and see what u can find. |
[13 Oct 2004|08:57pm] |
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havent updated in a long time. wonder why. so much bullshit going on i cant even put it all down. there are some things i would like to write, but i wont. lets put everything in a nut shell: i feel like absolutely no one understands me. everyone has their own issues right now and are only seeking help from the friends that have issues of their own too. i hate my parents. i hate money. i hate senior year. i hate anatomy. i want my applications filled out. i want to get into rutgers and neumann. i hope i did well on SATs. it seems like everyone has their period. i feel bad for my friends who are going through a lot too, but i cant do anything about it. talking about friends. i wish i knew who some of them were. relationships? funny question. lighting an old flame. dont know if it will blow out again. do i look like an asshole? sure. why not? people voting me for class clown so i hear? funny... started smoking more often? shocker. i hate verchios. i want the crew to go back to how we were over the summer. i miss them so much. i rarely complain about my life, but i needed to get that out. im sorry. im pathedic. call me a mother fuckin complainer, a hypocrite, a weak insecure person, fake...WHATEVER U'D LIKE. maybe typical twp high schooler fits me best? i cant even write about details. im so confused about everything. whos not huh? im not acting like i have sum special case of shittyness. im not special. fuck that. im a typical twp high schooler.
hello. this is sol. sol rosenburg.
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| look into my eyes...and see what u can find. |
[13 Oct 2004|08:57pm] |
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havent updated in a long time. wonder why. so much bullshit going on i cant even put it all down. there are some things i would like to write, but i wont. lets put everything in a nut shell: i feel like absolutely no one understands me. everyone has their own issues right now and are only seeking help from the friends that have issues of their own too. i hate my parents. i hate money. i hate senior year. i hate anatomy. i want my applications filled out. i want to get into rutgers and neumann. i hope i did well on SATs. it seems like everyone has their period. i feel bad for my friends who are going through a lot too, but i cant do anything about it. talking about friends. i wish i knew who some of them were. relationships? funny question. lighting an old flame. dont know if it will blow out again. do i look like an asshole? sure. why not? people voting me for class clown so i hear? funny... started smoking more often? shocker. i hate verchios. i want the crew to go back to how we were over the summer. i miss them so much. i rarely complain about my life, but i needed to get that out. im sorry. im pathedic. call me a mother fuckin complainer, a hypocrite, a weak insecure person, fake...WHATEVER U'D LIKE. maybe typical twp high schooler fits me best? i cant even write about details. im so confused about everything. whos not huh? im not acting like i have sum special case of shittyness. im not special. fuck that. im a typical twp high schooler.
hello. this is sol. sol rosenburg.
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| leave me down here on my own. |
[29 Sep 2004|10:20pm] |
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quote of the day: "if any of you have ever lost a family member that u really loved...dont go to drugs for escape." i enjoyed her presentation today. maybe i wont give her a hard time...tomorrow. then ill be back to normal. im anticipating my body project presentation. do YOU think ill cry? im still contemplating on whether i will or not. the first thing im gunna have to talk about is my sister. im deciding whether or not to tell everyone about my father. jen cloud thinks her life is hard, and maybe it is. but i think she'll shut her fucking mouth when i go up there. im not tryin to show everyone up and be like "HAHA ASSHOLE...I HAVE MORE PROBLEMS THAN U!" cuz thats retarded, but i hate it when people TELL me how to think and feel...like she said that i DONT wish my parents were divorced and i told her i defiantly do. asshole. best friend pix today. fantabulous. soccer pictures. assholes. im excited for friday ;-) me and my mom have been fighting a lot. its all about college and school. she said shes gunna punish me when i get my progress report if my grades r bad. she can kiss my ass. im ONLY failing anatomy. fuck her man. shes on my ass about every nik picking thing. god damnit. she thinks i dont have everything under control and i dont know wtf im talking about. she thinks she knows everything cuz she buys books about college and reads articles n listens to dr. phil. FUCK DR. PHIL! i can tell this year shall be a great one. i just want to cry. i dont know why. i can be a rap star. in my car. thats enough. but i do want to cry. it wont come out. its like im always constipated when it comes to that. i dont have anyone to really talk to about shit. I KNOW I ALWAYS SAY THAT. but i really dont. everyone has their own problems. i hate interuptions. oh wait. theres a tear. im an asshole. its starting to bother me that me and my father arent talking. its like. i see all these fathers on the sidelines at soccer and stuff...and not ONCE has my parents came together to see me play. his excuse was always becuz of rita, and that he had to stay home becuz he had to watch her. RITAS NOT HERE DAD! it kills me. it really does. that man is killing himself. u know why? guilty conscience. he knows he fucked up when it came to rita and bringing us up. cuz u know why? HE SUCKS AT LIFE. he only gives a shit about himself. u would think he would grow up a little and talk 2 me, he's acting my age. its pathedic. i dont know why i miss talking to him. its not like he teaches me life lessons. only that lefty loosy righty tighty. thats all i remember. the only real fatherly figure in my life is jess' dad. we havent been as close lately cuz that whole weed situation. i just wish...i dont know wut i wish. i know wut i wish. i wish i saw lisa more often. i miss her a lot. when im wish her, she jus makes me feel a lot better about things. this makes me cry. she was talking about moving out to CA with her friend amy. i would probably kill myself. im not joking. she jus...cares so much about me. like when i was talking about college with her n stuff and we were with my mom and i was saying how my mom is gunna cry when i go away. my sister jus sat there and looked at me and told me she will too and that she'll miss me more than my parents and that she'll be calling me every night to see what im doing and to make sure im not in trouble. i dont say it enough. i love her to death. im getting emo. make it stop. i miss rita. i love krista. shes been here a lot lately and she knows how im feeling even though i dont say anything. im just mean to her just becuz im tryin to cover up everything. (dont be flattered asshole. i still hate you)see? im done. ive cried enough. fairwell.
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[27 Sep 2004|09:47pm] |
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turns out that shit has changed here on livejournal...its weird. dont want to go into deep detail in things becuz really...i dont feel like it. the guys painted their bodies tonight for my game. it was chris, foran, yaz, n eric. it was sooooo cute. i wanted a pic but i didnt have a camera. they painted number 11 on themselves, and im number 10 lol. it was hilarious. THANX GUYS!!! body project=much anticipation last saturday night=very drunk. visited rutgers...its lookin good folks. ANATOMY FUCKING SUCKS MY ASSHOLE. finally figured out who im gettin teacher recommendations from. whore-ay. so much shit going on. ah. im still not talking to my father, in case u were wondering. time to study. i dont know why i even bother. goodnight.
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| howdy dudy |
[19 Sep 2004|08:09pm] |
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[16 Sep 2004|10:18pm] |
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weirdest thing... talkin bout the psychic today in psych and my teacher explained how good the woman was and she told a story of how a guy in one of the class' dad died and the psychic made him pull out a rock outta a bag and he pulled out this warrior stone and it meant that his dad was proud of him n stuff and that he was really strong. soon as she said guy whos dad died...my heart dropped. immediatly i thought it was phil. and i know im fuckin pathedic cuz i think about phil a lot, but ANYONE who knew that his dad died would think of him too first off. i wonder if it was him... saw napolean dynamite with ally tonight...NOT as great as everyone said it was. tomorrow is friday :-D fairwell.
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[15 Sep 2004|10:33pm] |
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so i decided im not going to therapy anymore. its not helping me at all. i dont feel better after i leave. i cant open up to her...or to anyone on that matter. i have never cried in front of either therapists, which is pathedic. i have so much to cry about...so much emotion i just want to let go. i can tell people in here more things about my life than the person i am paying to listen to me. i am ill with myself. krista is really low lately and im tryin my hardest to make her feel better cuz i know how she feels and it fucking sucks. ive been thinkin a lot about my life lately. doin this body project shit really makes me think about wut IS important to me. i dont even fuckin know if i believe in my religion anymore. its so hard thinking about wut my goals are for life...wuts important, not important to me. i know it will turn out great though. im really...i dont know, anxious to tell the class about my sister. i dont think anyone else in the class can have the same stories as me. it kinda sucks. but it makes me who i am. so ive told u all about me and krista's obsession with the song "ive had the time of my life" from the dirty dancing soundtrack and almost every time we r in my car together, we play it. well yesterday when we were in work...it came on and i started dancing. it was funny. then this man comes in with his son...who by the way (is the down syndrome kid who i always see in work and the first time i saw him was like 2 months after rita died and i cried when i saw him) so i saw him walk in with his dad and the song was still on. so the boy saw me dancing and started dancing too. it was so fucking adorable. it reminded me so much of rita. i was trying my hardest not to get upset. but it did. it really fucking did. i just didnt tell anybody. i've been thinking about her a lot lately. i think bout graduation and HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FILL UP 6 SEATS?! it pisses me off. me and my father still arent talking. we even sat at the same table today for breakfast...just me and him, and didnt say a word to eachother. i am much better off. lisa is seeing her ex husband. u kno, the guy me and my parents DONT TALK TO. long story, most of u dont know it. she wants to bring him around the house and my father wants nothing to do with him. i actually would agree with my father on this one, considering eric did try to push my father down the stairs. should be a nice family reunion.
ill dedicate u a lil sumthin boys... T: u've been a big help lately and i dont think u know how much i appreciate it. ur goin out of ur way to try to fix things and i love u for it lol...HAPPY NOW?! -LEONE
Michael T. Liuzzi-my taco bell buddy!! u jus dont want to admit it that im a better texas hold'em player than u. we have a lotta laughs...cuz ur an asshole who writes about fuckin wendy's in ur journal. ur a kewl kid to chill wit n a good friend to talk 2. i hate you. -DIE
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[12 Sep 2004|09:34pm] |
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i just recently found out the hookah bar has been shut down. i am going to cry. today was blah. i had work with krista which was fun then we went out to lunch. i came home and passed out then did sum homework. great. tomorrow is a busy day. psychologist appt at 3, hair appt at 4, soccer game at 6:30. hmmm when am i gunna eat? do homework? who cares? eagles game today baby...yah we won. i had on my jersey. which reminded me a lot of stef cuz we used to wear ours on sunday mornings and look like twins. it was cute. it also reminded me of phil cuz i bought him one last year and i was wondering if he was wearing it. i have issues. i need help. no one can help me. jess is pissing me off. body project? fuck it. the whole thing with kevin? who knows. me and krista talked a lil today about how im miserable a lot. we discussed that everyone has their own problems and no one can really relate to them. everyones are unique with their own lil twist. i find mine are a little extreme more than others. i dont think anyone has ever seen their sister die. thats not normal. im not normal. did i mention im not talking to my father? i think so. i dont like to talk to people who say they r going to punch my teeth down my throat. thats a problem. anger management anyone? ugh. jus in a pissy mood. im so confused about everything. my life is not going in any direction right now. i dont know anything about anything. it sucks. i wish all this college bullshit was over n shit. FUCK LIFE MAN. mike n cheri r comin to my soccer game tomorrow...should b interesting. enough. diyanu. lol i called jack jus to find out how to spell it.
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